Waiting….

(And why I’m making this website)

I spend so much time waiting for things. Waiting for trains and busses to arrive, waiting on the side of the road for a ride, waiting to meet somebody, waiting to do something. Waiting for something to happen.

And there’s an easy trap to fall into while waiting: doomscrolling.

Doomscrolling and general unnecessary phone use is a nightmare. A modern curse. I can literally feel my brain rotting after hours of mindless scrolling on Instagram or engaging in some other fast food social media content.

The problem is, it’s too easy. Too easy to accept switching off my brain and falling into the trap of doomscroll. Over the last year, I’ve been trying to find ways to solve this problem and lift myself from doomscroll despair and all the bad vibes that come along with it. And tried to find things that replace the empty void left by instagram to reattach with myself.

These are the four things I found that have somehow replaced my doomscrolling habit:

• Writing

• Drawing

• Play

• Talking

Writing

Last year, while off on adventures, I got into the habit of writing every day. It started off recording my training rhythm, then grew to writing about thoughts and feelings, things that had been going on, interesting people I had met and places I had been. Things I had done and things I hoped to do. It was so therapeutic and calming.

Daily writing lasted for a few months, and has now tapered off in intensity. I still write a lot, but not religiously. I used to write exclusively in the mornings over my coffee, but as time moved on, I found myself writing in public transport. Less time watching my phone or listening to podcasts and more time engaging with myself.

This sparked the idea for this website. To share stories and thoughts, practice and grow as a writer, and to put things out in the world without shame.

Drawing

Drawing is a new discovery for me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve told myself “I can’t draw. I’m shit at drawing and will never be any good”. This is probably still true.

However, I recently saw a couple of friends drawing at a cafe and it looked so fun!! They had no priority on drawing well, but looked like they were enjoying themselves so much. So I made an effort to change the way I thought about drawing: the best artist is the one with the biggest smile, and the product doesn’t matter as long as it was fun.

The next day, I bought some pens and started experimenting. Inspired by graffiti in a parking garage in Utrecht, I ended focusing on drawing faces. It started crappy, but practice and copying aspects of other graffiti faces is helping me grow.

I’m still a long way from being any good, but I’m enjoying myself so much, and I see progress every day. Trains and busses have become places for me to lose myself in drawing and writing.

Play

Playing while waiting has changed everything for me in the last two years. For the longest time, I would wait on my phone and waste the time away. This made no sense. I would frequently go outside for hours of parkour and be entertained with nothing, how was it that waiting could be a place of boredom with such a hobby. And then I discovered it…

Kendama: the ultimate waiting game

Since discovering this toy, and being fortunate enough to meet some pretty high level players very early on, I’ve never been bored while waiting for something. Sometimes I even decide to miss a train and keep playing because I’m having so much fun!

Kendama, as well as parkour and probably a bunch of other passions, have helped and inspired me to play in public, to not be ashamed of my joy and to have fun on my own and not only with other people. It presents an opportunity to consistently explore, learn and grow.

I want to use this website to share progress and stories about how a playful mindset helps me explore and engage with the world <3

Talking

Talking to strangers is as underrated as underrated can be. Often the approach is the most difficult part to get past, and consequently many potentially lovely conversations are missed.

However, choosing the right question or doing something out of the norm (like playing at a train station) can lead to some wonderful and fun interactions. Recently I had a conversation with a train conductor about his whistle. For 15 minutes he told me about the different whistles he used for different things, and showed me the secret power whistle all train conductors are issued with to wake up sleeping people. This led to a discussion about homeless people on the trains and how common it was for train workers to end up in sketchy situations.

These situations feel almost like a free podcast, and this is my final aim: to record and share conversations with interesting and interested people about whatever topics rise.

Everyone has amazing stories. I want to find them.